If you’re like me and my husband, towards the end of your pregnancy, your sex life kind of plummeted. Sure, you did great before the belly got so large you couldn’t see your feet anymore and it created a huge challenge of, let’s say, positioning. Then there’s the fact that you’re so hot and never sleep that you’re just too darn tired and irritated to want to get frisky. But none of this compares to the detour your sex life suffers after you actually give birth.
Truly, it doesn’t take long after giving birth to realize that you are messed up down there, especially if you had any tearing. There’s all sorts of nastiness happening in your lady business paired with any kind of stitches and you have one freaked out new mom. I was convinced that I’d never get back to the status quo in the intimacy department. In the six weeks of recovery, you worry about what the first time will be like. Will it hurt? Most likely. How bad will it hurt? Will you enjoy it at all?
In all honesty, the first few times Eric and I were intimate after I had Logan, I did it for him. I knew he needed some attention because he had been an amazingly patient husband waiting about three months for me to finish out the pregnancy and then heal. New moms I’m not trying to scare, but it did hurt. I think it must have been scar tissue and it took awhile for that feeling to go away.
Another issue we ran into was that I couldn’t ‘get excited’ like I used to before. I think this is largely caused by breastfeeding. It tends to dry you out. Until I got smart enough to start using coconut oil to ease the friction, I didn’t start enjoying our encounters again.
When Logan was 10 months old, I finally starting getting back in the swing of things. Eric and I were getting a good night’s sleep again, I didn’t have anymore postpartum pain, and we had added back in some spontaneity.
Now, just a few months later, I’d go so far as to say that our sex life is better than ever. Maybe it’s because parenting brings you and your spouse so much closer together or maybe it’s just because we got over the ‘hump’ (LOL). Whatever the reason, no matter how bad the first-time(s) are, don’t give up. Your body will heal and you’ll be back to normal before you know it. Until then, enjoy each others company–hold hands, go on little dates, kiss a lot.
Please don’t be afraid to discuss your fears and hesitation with your partner. If you open up to them, you’ll both be able to find a solution to the problems at hand.
And if you’re in a dark place, just remember people have multiple children, so things have to get better at some point or they’d just stop at one.