Happy Birthday Little Logan!
I hope someday you will have a child of your own because only then will you be able to understand the depth of my love for you. Unfortunately, you will not be able to know the joys of breastfeeding firsthand. I would like to share what one year of breastfeeding has meant to me because this last year has been the most amazing year of my life.
I always knew I would breastfed you. There was never any doubt and I knew by talking to other moms that it wouldn’t always be easy, but I was committed. I was committed to my promise to you even though you weren’t old enough to hold me to it, I held myself to my promise to give you your very best start. And boy, did we get off to a rocky start. A week after you were born, Mommy got her first ever ear infection and had to be on antibiotics. It’s a sore spot for your mom because I tried to tell the doctors that there was something wrong with my ear and they just told me I had strained too hard from pushing. They wouldn’t listen when I said I was having trouble hearing out of it even a week earlier. They sent me home with you two days later all squishy and new and perfect, but I couldn’t hear your lovely noises out of that ear. A few days later, my fever tipped me off that something was wrong. We left you with your grandparents while Daddy took me to the ER. When they told me I had to be on antibiotics and you’d have to take a bottle, I bawled. I continued crying after the doctor left, in the car, in CVS, and at home. I was devastated that you might have to experience nipple confusion. I thought this turn of events had doomed our breastfeeding relationship. I never planned on giving you a bottle so early in your life. I can’t explain how overjoyed I was when your pediatrician said I could continue nursing you on the antibiotics. To help avoid a yeast infection for either of us, I took probiotics and utilized organic unrefined coconut oil. It worked! My ear infection cleared up, I got my hearing back, and to this day neither of us has had a yeast infection!
|Happy Birthday Breastfeeding this morning!|
Who could’ve imagined after that trauma it would get worse? But it did. Still committed to giving you your best start, I was shocked when you developed green poop and blood in the stool. The first time I found blood in your stool, I was shaking I was so scared. Our pediatrician diagnosed you with a dairy allergy and told me that if I wanted to keep nursing you that I’d have to get off all dairy. You were only a few months old, so I was absolutely willing to sacrifice dairy. Weeks past and nothing had helped, so I went for a more extreme diet–Dr. Sears elimination diet. You can barely eat anything. Most things you can eat have weird textures and eating out is a thing of the past. I ended up even more frustrated when this diet didn’t help. I had to take you to the allergist and I had to hold you while someone drew blood out of your arm. Your screams of agony were piercing and I felt my heart break. I was supposed to protect you. Breast is best. I felt I had failed both of us. It felt like rock bottom when the allergist came up negative for every food test.
We were then directed to a Pediatric Gastroenterologist. Besides treating you for reflux, he finally put us at ease saying that breast was still best even with your allergies and it was something that you’d eventually outgrow. You were four months old about this time and I felt like we were just beginning to fall into a good rhythm with nursing.
It was around this time you started sleeping in our bed, nursing to sleep and nursing throughout the night. You slept well and we slept well. There is something so wonderful about having you sleep next to me. You’re so warm and safe and I am filled with such love. When you reach for me in your sleep, I am overjoyed. I have breastfeeding to thank for this. Without feeling desperate for sleep due to constant nighttime feedings, I never would’ve tried cosleeping.
As you’ve grown, I’ve grown too. Our breastfeeding relationship is so special. I sustain you and that is enough. I love our nursing time together. It is made up of wonderful snuggles and I’m creating wonderful memories. When you look up at me and laugh or when you reach out to touch my face, I feel our bond grow stronger.
|And it’s so much fun!|
I’m so glad that I never gave up. I’m so glad that we have been able to nurse this long. I love that you’re still basically exclusively breastfed at one year old and I love that we won’t have to wean anytime soon. I will miss our special time together when you no longer need mommy milk. But until then I’m going to enjoy every second.
You are an amazing little boy and I’m so glad I can do my part to help you grow big and strong. Thank you for being a great nurser and for loving and trusting in me to give you what you need! I’m so glad we’ve made it to my goal of one year!
Happy birthday, Logan! And happy one year of breastfeeding!