Breastfeeding was just one of the things I was going to do. It was the most natural thing in the world. After all, boobs are made to breastfeed. I had it all planned, Logan was going to come out, we were going to do skin to skin, and then we’d have that magical first breastfeeding experience. It didn’t play out that way. At least, not the magical first breastfeeding experience. I wanted him to latch, he wanted to sleep. I immediately got worried that we were going to have breastfeeding problems. Now, if you’ve seen my chunky child lately or at any point in his life really, you’d know he has not been without food. He’s a breastfeeding champion! So we’ll say my moment of panic was caused by crazy hormones and I bet it’d be true. So, no, the first day didn’t go smoothly, but by the time we brought him home, he was doing great.
Then my milk came in and my boobs were hard as rocks. And my constantly sleeping newborn was not eating enough to make a dent. So I was pumping, but the more I pumped the more milk I produced. It was a vicious cycle. I finally just toughed it out, only pumping to releave pressure. It took a few days, but it finally leveled out.
Our next hurdle was all of Logan’s food allergies & his acid reflux paired with my heavy letdown. He would scream at the breast, pull away, get mad, try to nurse again and we did this over and over. After we got him on the medicine for reflux, it slowly started to improve our breastfeeding times. Then finally it went away and we were back to amazing cuddly nursing sessions. But it wouldn’t last because teething was coming.
The first time Logan bit me and locked down, I felt positive that I wouldn’t have a nipple when he finally let go. I was so surprised I think I let out a scream. He thought it was funny and I realized I couldn’t react if he ever did it again. Obviously, I got him to let go and found myself still perfectly intact. I wasn’t even bleeding! I became nervous to nurse him after this. Especially if he was distracted. But I was determined to nurse until he self weaned, so I kept with it, nervous or not.
Now the first time he bit me and drew blood, I felt mad. It hurt like a son of a gun and took longer to heal than I would’ve liked. Plus, anyone who’s ever nursed with a bruised nipple knows how much it hurts. But somehow we made it through this bumpy point too.
These days he doesn’t bite, much. He often falls asleep nursing in my arms and I enjoy the cuddles. He still nurses like crazy and I don’t know when we’ll stop. That’s really up to him. I just want to enjoy it as long as I can because once we stop, I think I’m going to feel a sense of loss.
I feel happy knowing that as I’m writing this my little man is asleep on my lap after a really great nursing session.